Today Might Just Be the Day...

What happens in the daily life of the family.. the drama of foster care, the adventures of parenting, & pictures to share with everyone!

The Good, The Bad, The Gross

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O.K. First, no news.

Alrighty, then!

This weekend we were busy. We had an event on Saturday and a party on Sunday. One event a day is plenty for us!

Saturday was the annual spring event for our foster care agency (tocallhome.com).  There was hat making, a cake walk, Ronald McDonald came to do a magic show… And then, the wave pool. At the *very * last minute Brian got invited to go see Conan O’Brien in Vegas so he left about halfway through. My plan was to stay at the pool for as long as I could handle all four kids. I have to say that they were so well behaved! They listened to me, they stuck together. They were being kind to each other. I am so proud! It was so nice being able to actually enjoy their company rather than fighting them to just behave enough to not drive me mad. I feel like they’re getting older and it’s a good thing.

Then came Sunday.

Or, maybe I should back up to Saturday night? Yep, better start there. So, the children wouldn’t settle down. It was frustrating because they were all exhausted from the long afternoon. There were no naps and they were very clearly ready for bed. Bean ended up sleeping with me (my bad). And the boys just kept chatting and playing. I had to go in and settle them down about 5 times. Once they were finally settled, I headed to bed early. But, sleep was not meant to be. Bean kept kicking me and playing with my hair.. and she loves to be right next to whomever she’s sleeping with.. I do *not* like anyone right next to me when I’m sleeping. Then, right around 2:30 David came into the room and turned the lights on.. I woke up to him very close to my head in tears. He’d lost a tooth and was very freaked out about it. I did manage to get him calmed very quickly and Bean didn’t even notice.

But, I was awake at that point and I had a hard time calming myself back down.

I have to say that there is a huge difference between 8 hours of sleep and 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I get enough sleep, but it doesn’t give me the same energy when it’s broken up like it often is. What year will I get to sleep again?

So, I guess that after that I was a little grouchy on Sunday. And so were my kids. Nothing was done without a battle. Messes were made with nobody willing to pick them up. Attitudes were flaring.

We had a birthday party to go to and they did do surprisingly well there, but the ride over was a mess. And on the ride home I have to say that I was just steamed. They’d been given treat upon treat this weekend and they were complaining that I wouldn’t let them eat all of the candy in their goodie bags. Really?? Who raised them like this?

I guess this post is turning into a bit of a rant.

So, with that I’ll go onto the gross. Why didn’t anyone tell me that kids were/are so disgusting? Really!?

There are hand prints on just about every surface in my home. There’s toothpaste in the sink on a daily basis. I can’t keep up with it. I hate the fact that my home looks like this. Help!

Today while the kids were gone I got a chance to mop the kitchen and I got a few loads of laundry done. I feel like progress has been made. Brian was a gem and did the dishes for me last night as well as doing some general clean up around the house. So, I guess I’m on my way to minimizing the gross.

Now I just need to keep learning the skills of my trade & hopefully at some point we can minimize both the bad and the gross.

Here’s to more good!

Now what?

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So, last night was class number two on attachment disorders. And I’m a little out of sorts now. Before the class last night I felt like we were doing well. I felt like I almost didn’t need that class. Then I started talking about our little guy’s behaviors… And I think we have a long way to go.

Oh, how I wish that love would truly fix everything.

Feel that Love!

Can you feel the love through the screen?

Attachment

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Attachments are like a spider web. They build one upon another. Just like making friends. You make one, then you meet their friends and add to the group.

One of the most common issues (in my opinion) that foster and adoptive kids have is attachment disorder.

So, I’ve started to educate myself. I’ve taken classes in the past about infant brain development. And the common thread is always that the first three years are crucial. That children need to trust by having one primary care giver.

But, what happens when they don’t get that? The short answer is that their brains don’t form the same as typical kids. Parts of the brain that aren’t used, don’t develop the same way. With neglect, the brain is often physically smaller than a typical child.

I’ve seen the slides and the photos and the evidence.

I’ve never had anyone tell me what to do after the fact.

Last night I was given hope for the first time. This damage can be reversed! I took the first class in a four part series on attachment disorders. The leader is a therapist that specializes in attachments and I’m so excited. I am hoping that this training will help me be a better parent.

Already, I feel better just thinking that I can actually undo some of the damage.

The Wait

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One of the things that you *must* have to be an adoptive parent is patience.

For us, it was waiting for our classes to start. Then we had to wait for them to end. Then, we had to wait for the state to process our papework and approve us. Then we waited for a call (although, I can’t say that it was much of a wait). The next wait was one of the hardest. We waited for our boys to finally be moved to our home.

Then, the wait became harder. When you start the wait, you haven’t given up your heart. When you start waiting on court dates, when you start waiting on “forever”, the wait changes. Once the notion of adoption was in mind, my heart would break a little with each set back.

One of the craziest decisions of this whole family building process, was the decision to foster again. Once we’d been foster parents and found out what that really meant, we still decided that we’d still do it again.

Right now, we’re at the end of the wait. We have done the challenging stuff. Little V is already legally free for adoption. Now we just wait. I spoke with our lawyer and his caseworker this week. Neither had news for us. So, the wait continues. What really stinks about all of this waiting is that I don’t have any control over any of it!

If you have patience to spare, please send it my way.

Grow, Grow, Grow

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So, I really want to get into the details of all of the fertility stuff. I really do. I feel like I’m on an island through all of this and I want to share. But, I know that it’s too much information. And while I’ve been known to over-share in the past, I am going to try to keep this stuff to myself.

Just think of us this weekend. And think “grow”. No, I’m not pregnant (I wish!).

As far as other happenings (as if I can think of anything else when were going through this cycle), big D is on his first sleep over tonight. I felt a little nostalgic when I dropped him off. It was hard to let him go. I just still see him as a three year old sometimes. He misses me/us, too. He called home about half an hour ago just to chat. He just kept saying that he loves me and that he misses me. I really hope that he doesn’t get too homesick to enjoy the time there. With all of his energy, it’s easy to forget how sensitive he is. He just seems to always be going and always be “on”. But, he is a very caring little boy.

Oh, V has glasses! And he’s adorable! I’ve never really thought that he looked like his brothers, but the glasses have kind of changed that. I had all three boys with new glasses and new haircuts get their photos taken the other day. And seeing them side by side made me really realize how much V looks like both of them. He has David’s ears, and the same facial shape as Dan. V has also already lost his glasses once. Ugh!

The Little Sister

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There is one boss in this family. If she’s not happy, nobody is happy. And “she” is not me.

The little one, she’s our princess.

But, she’s still the little one. And sometimes that means that she can be the victim.

Today we took V, Dan and the Bean to Jeeper’s. Jeeper’s is a ghetto cross between Chuck E. Cheese and Amazing Jake’s. Dave had a party at Amazing Jake’s so we wanted to something fun without having to take out a second mortgage so Jeeper’s it was.

Anyhow, Jeeper’s has a huge indoor playland thing. It’s really amazing and huge. And Bean typically loves going up the ladder and down the slide over and over and over again. Today, however, she only went down about three times total. Little V decided to use his powers for evil and informed our little princess that the play structure was actually a haunted house.  We tried to save her and told her that the only evil thing was her big brother, but she’d have none of it and she wouldn’t go up in the playland anymore.

I have a feeling she’ll exact her revenge shortly…

I hate people.

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If you know me, you’ve heard me say, “I hate people.” The longer you’ve known me, the more often you’ve heard this phrase.

Today, it was tossed around on a website that I frequent. They were talking about a woman who put her adopted son on a plane, alone, on his way back to Russia. At first, I agreed. Adoption is forever. There are no give backs. When you commit to adopting a child, it’s not a short term commitment.

But, then, as I have thought more about this story–and I don’t know how it’s possible to block it from your mind–I cannot have anything near hatred for this woman. I can only imagine the pain and heartache and tears that she’s been going through. To get to a point that you’d make such a horrible decision, what do you have to go through? I can only imagine the sense of loss and failure and pain that she and her family are going through right now. And, it’s not a hurt that left with the child. She’s lost her dream, her child, her identity as a mom. I am not saying that I agree with her choice. I cannot fathom my life without any of my children.

But, I do understand how easy it is to be fooled. I watch new foster/adoptive parents enter our classes and they all have this picture in their minds. They can actually see the little girl or boy who they will love openly. They have nothing but hope for the future. The hardest thing for me to do is get them to realize that love is not enough. These are children who have been neglected, abused, abandoned. They’re survivors who learn how to cope at far too young an age without the guidance that they needed. Love is essential, but it’s just not enough.

I don’t think that I’ve met a foster or adoptive parent who wasn’t doing it for the right reasons. They all have these amazing hearts and homes that they are so willing to open. I just wish they all had the tools to deal with the junk that will come with these hurt little ones.

Million Dollar Baby

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At least that’s how it feels.

I’m torn. We have started back down the road of infertility treatment. And it’s huge for me. So, I do want to share, but, at the same time. It’s such a personal road.

So, I think that for now I’ll just share that we’ve started. I’m trying to add some balance and perspective to my life. And I don’t want to make it a focus so I’m not going to dwell on here about it. Just keep us in your thoughts!

Up in the Air

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My thoughts from yesterday…

Right now we’re mid-air. Flying like a light small bird, only not even close to small. There are one hundred plus of us crammed in here with all of our stuff.

I don’t know about the rest of these people, but I am ready to be headed this direction. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. At least, I think it’s true with our children. I am so ready to have them call my name over and over again. I’m ready to pick up after them and tuck them in. I’m ready to just hold them and cuddle them.

Our trip was very fun. And very relaxing. I am renewed. And I am ready. Ready to be me again–Mom.

Now that we’ve been back on earth and back home for a day and a half, I can say that being home is just what I needed.