Today Might Just Be the Day...

What happens in the daily life of the family.. the drama of foster care, the adventures of parenting, & pictures to share with everyone!

Your cousin’s/sisters’s/daughter’s/son’s/friend’s kid needs a home…?

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Lately, I have been running into more and more families who are entering the world of fostering because of need, not because they want to.

These families are finding themselves facing a kid who needs a home. Most of them are related to the kids. But, that’s not always the case–sometimes it’s a friend. It doesn’t really matter how it comes about. The fact is that there is a kid who needs a home and a family that wants to step in.

Kids do best when they can keep connections. So, keeping a kid with a relative or a neighbor or someone they know is good. But, these well-meaning families are unprepared. I think that pretty much anyone who takes on a non-bio kid is unprepared the first time or two around. And most foster parents have training and support and are going into it with some support. Relatives who get that emergency call have none of that.

When I am asked advice about these situations there are a few things I highly recommend.

1. Get your foster license. Going through the process of licensure will give you some training. You will form a relationship with the state or an agency. You may get to know other foster families (huge advantage!). And, you, likely will get more financial assistance for the child from the state if you are a licensed home.

2. Get the state involved. I know it’s tempting to avoid “the system”. And it’s scary to face the unknown. But, going it alone is a huge risk. Imagine you take your nephew in when your sister is dealing with the court system in regards to some drug issues. Six month later, he’s doing well and you’ve all adjusted.. Sister can show up and take him out of that good situation and throw him right back into chaos. Without the involvement of the state it can be far more difficult to get guardianship, it can limit your ability to make decisions, and financially, you are on the hook. If nothing else, foster kids here have excellent medical insurance. Yes, the system has issues, but they also can help.

3. Find some support. Get online and see if there is a Relatives as Parents organization in your area.. Ask a social worker for local groups.

http://www.raisingyourgrandchildren.com/State_information.htm

This site had a ton of links, organized by state, that were just a click away.

Love is not enough. But, it is a good start 🙂

Ouch!

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I just started a new fitness routine. A neighbor mom invited me to try a bootcamp with her, and I loved it. I have been going a couple of weeks now. But, as of yesterday, that routine is cancelled. I don’t think anything traumatic happened, but I am injured. I did something to my Achilles’ tendon. I went to urgent care today & they really didn’t have much as far as info & it doesn’t appear that I can really do much for it other than rest.

I am frustrated and annoyed and in pain. No bueno!

And, on top of that, I rely on my workouts for the mood boosts.

So, I apologize in advance. I will do my best to hop along and keep up and whatnot, but I am pretty sure I will be a grouch for the foreseeable future.

Back to School!

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I am sitting here singing my own little made up “Back to School” song.

Tomorrow is the day. And I am ready and I am excited. And *I* am not the one going back!

This summer has flown by. I never even managed to post photos or updates of our vacation. But, I assure you we did take one and it was pretty huge!

I never posted any of the fun day to day events that took place. I never posted about the movies and play dates and trips to the pool. But, I promise we had a lot going on.

I think that’s the problem. We can either do a lot, or I can post a lot. Seems that I can’t swing both. But, as the kids go back. I am starting to write my goals for the school year. I’m starting to plan and hope and think about what I can get done in those hours that I have the house to myself. I am dreaming about cleaning out closets and cupboards and starting to get things back to order. I know that most of these are plans that won’t get all the way accomplished, but at least I get a little bit of hope this time of year!

If you can believe it, I will have 4 kids at the same school again (yay!) in grades 1, 2, 5 & 6! We enjoyed meeting their teachers the other night and I finally feel like I know what I’m doing as the mom of elementary school kids (ya know, right before I have to start over again next year with middle school!).

I told D today that I was never able to sleep the night before school, this was true into college even. I was always excited and worried and anxious about what was to come. I hope that my kids share a bit of that excitement.

I promise I will post some photos tomorrow.

 

Hooray for back to school!!!!

The roles of a Mom

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Diva–when the husband brought me coffee

Runner–when I got in my miles for the day

Taxi Cab–when I did pick up from tutoring

Disciplinarian–when the tutor said that D is falling behind on his work

Rock Star–when I let B have a friend over

Neighbor/friend–when I loaned out luau gear

Sister–setting up plans for upcoming trip

Lifeguard–watching 6 kids swim

Referee–handling the feuds between the boys

Cook–lunch

Bank Account–letting the kids spend their allowance

Maid–picking up a bit around the house

 

The list could go on and on and on and today has been fairly dull.

School’s out for Summer

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Today is the last day of school.

Right now the baby is sleeping and I am enjoying one of the last quiet moments I will have for a couple of months.

All in all, I’d say we had more wins than losses as far as school this year. I think we’ll all enjoy the break from homework and the busy days.

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And, to compare… Here they are on the first day.

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Feelings

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So, I promised more info. And I think I owe it to myself to dive a little deeper and sort of process what happened this weekend.

I chatted with quite a few friends before this visit. It was a really big deal for me/us/her/Bean.

And it’s so hard (impossible?), to know if we’re making the right choices.

I realize there are tons of open adoptions and these sorts of visits happen everyday. But, those aren’t my kids! And most open adoptions happen because a birth parent decides to place a child up for adoption. That just wasn’t the case for us..

So, it wasn’t easy. I think if B would have had his way, we would have cancelled last minute. The “what if”s can be overwhelming. And, we add to the normal worries another layer–we have our boys to think about. Their mom just isn’t in a place where they can have the same experience. We hope that at some point, they, too, will be able to know their biological family. But, for now, we just want them to know that they’re loved and not to be too jealous of Bean.

Anyhow, I am glad we went through with the visit.

Bean had a few things to give to her BM (bio-mom). She took a piece of pottery she had painted and some school work. But, when we arrived, she was too shy. She was sort of doing the hip-hugging hide thing that kiddos do. So, it was a little awkward. But, in a few minutes they found common ground through technology… Bean took my phone and showed BM all the pictures. BM also showed Bean her photos. B & I were a little nervous about how people would be introduced… Bean has a couple bio-siblings… And she knows, but the things she “knows” are vastly different than what she really “gets”. Thankfully, BM was very cautious with her wording.

It was a good visit.

I don’t know that I am in a rush to do it again.

But, I do think it was the right thing to do.

I really hope that this visit (and any possibly in the future) will just help Bean as she becomes her own person. I hope that she feels loved and wanted as sees that her BM loves her, too.

A month?

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Seems like the longer I have this blog, the less frequent my posts are… Much excitement around here, tonight we have a sleepover for B’s Daisy troop 🙂 We are expecting 5 little girls and lots of energy, messes, and giggles.

And I have a fair amount of nerves. We are planning on having B meet her biological mom soon. Any other adoptive mamas with words of wisdom? How about support? Prayers, thoughts..?

This feels like the right thing to do. It also is very scary. So hard to risk anything when it comes to our baby girl.

I will, for sure, update with what happens.