Today I am thankful for Facebook… I was late to join. And I still think it’s mostly a time suck. But, I love seeing all of the kids of my friends. I love reading about their day. I get to live through my world-traveling friends. I get to see what may lay ahead, in the posts of my older friends. I get to be the older, wiser friend as some have their first child or are just now getting married. It is silly and can be annoying, but more often it makes me smile.
5th & 6th
I said I would try 🙂 nobody is perfect, lest of all me…
5th
I am thankful for the snooze button. Those last few minutes spent snuggling in my warm bed, knowing that I have a minute to relax still… I hardly ever fall back asleep, but I love having just a few more minutes before facing my day.
6th
I am thankful for A, the little dude I watch. He has been my buddy for nearly a year now. I love getting to watch him grow and learn and change. And I love handing him back to his loving parents in the afternoon. He has been such a joy for me. He also has allowed me to watch my boys interact with a baby. They will be great dads one day!
Nov. 4
Thankful
A lot of my Facebook friends post 1 item they are thankful for each day in November. I am already a little behind (as always!), but I think I will attempt to do it on here.. And, maybe it’ll give me a route to getting into the blogging habit again, too.
November 1
I am thankful for our neighborhood (so much so that I am stealing this from a neighbor!). I love that there is a park, and there are kids and adults that we can socialize with. I love the fact that there is almost always someone walking or jogging at the park. I like the fact that I can borrow a cup of sugar. It’s a good hood.
November 2
I am thankful for giggles. With one girl, after the boys, the gender differences can be apparent. First, the singing… Bean & her friends will break out in song (and dance) randomly and often! The other thing is the giggles… They giggle so much and so often and over nothing at all!
I adore little girl giggles!
November 3
I am thankful for the little things that make B who he is.. I love his smell, his blue eyes, his sense of humor, his hugs, the way he parents our children, the way he provides for us… Of course, everyone is thankful for their husband. I am, too.. But, this is about more than a partner–he’s my other half
Good to know..
Protect Yourself
I am on-line *a lot*. And some of my best friends live in m computer. But, there are a lot of crazies out there!!
My boys are getting to the age that they want to play more on-line games. The requests for sign-ups comes pretty much every weekend (no weekday video games here during school).
So, the lectures have started.
Don’t give your full name.
Nobody needs your address or phone number–EVER!
Don’t share where you go to school.
It’s easy for people to lie through a computer.
And on and on… I generally don’t stop until they’ve done a minimum of 4 “yes mom”s and a couple eye rolls.
More than them though, I think we all need a little reminder about how unsafe the cyber world can be. If you’ve never been to spokeo, go there now, put your name in and be prepared to freak out a little. The first time I went, I saw a photo of my house, with my car in the drive & you could read my plates. My address, car & babies were that easy to find.
I freaked.
With our less-than-typical family, we have to be extra cautious and all of that was right there! So, I made sure to get my info off that site…
Then I did a little more, too.
I wanted our phone & address to be unlisted. You may not know this, I was clueless, but the phone company charges a monthly few to be unlisted. They do not, however, care if you change your name. Go ahead, be creative.. Change it to Regina Phelangie 😉 No charge & I get a giggle when I get junk mail, too.
Next step, see where you can be found–google yourself and your spouse. My guy is out in the public for work, there’s not a whole lot we can do about it, but, thankfully, it doesn’t lead to our doorstep. I am all over FaceBook & you *might* find this blog if you really search.
But, I *try* to keep my settings on FaceBook where I feel comfortable & I do try to keep my kids personal info off of here.. I share their faces and smiles and stories, but I avoid naming their school. I crop our address out of photos.
And, the last thing (but, maybe it should be the first..?), I have tried to co-parent my kids in a way that would give those other relatives no need to find us. We keep a PO Box, we are willing to share information. When we were actively fostering we made every effort to respect the biological parents and keep them in the loop.
I think it’s silly to assume you’re safe. I am pretty sure anyone reading this could find our address somehow. I just try to keep an extra layer, make it a little harder, and live in a way that nobody sees the need…
Besides, if you want to talk to me, just push that “comment” button–I love comments!!
2 Shoes are Better than 1
For locals only…
I may have posted something along these lines before, but I’ve been at this blog awhile & this one bears repeating anyhow.
I have a few friends who are just starting on their fostering journey and I wish I could just give them all of the tips and tricks and things I learned through the years instantly. But, I don’t know how to do that. I figure, this post can help a bit though…
Often, as a foster parent, you are the one who sees the child the most. You’re the expert on the case. But, the courts and the case worker tend to forget this fact. They rely on the GAL (Guardian Ad Litem, or the lawyer for the child) to be the expert. The caseworkers are usually really good people who have a really tough job and have no way of truly knowing what’s going on with every.single.case. The problem becomes, “How do I get “the system” to pay attention and know my foster kiddo like I do?”
I know, for a fact, that I’ve blogged before about documenting. Document, document, document!! I had a nurse in class one time tell us, “if it’s not in the chart, it didn’t happen”… The same is true with foster care. If you didn’t document it, it didn’t happen. Biological family visits are on the top of this list. If you’re local, you have the incident reports that I know and love to fill out… Here are the times that we used incident reports (only when dealing with visits):
- If the visit was canceled
- If the visit was moved to a different location
- If the parent aide was late
- If either of the parents were late
- If drop off was late
- If the child had behaviors when the visit started or when the parent aide came
- If we saw any unusual behavior after visits
- When there was a new lice outbreak after a visit
- If there were any new scratches or bruises after a visit
I will warn you, your caseworker likely won’t appreciate this many reports. Tough. It’s the report that you use to communicate these issues. Tell them that *I* told you you needed to document 🙂 After you file the incident report with your agency and the caseworker, make sure you that you keep track of the dates of these incident reports. I think it’s great to keep a calendar that has all of the foster care related stuff written on it, then you can use that calendar as a snapshot of what’s going on and can use it to fill out your monthly reports. Each agency handles their monthly reports a little differently, but it’s just good practice to have it all together.
Now that you’ve started documenting more, make sure that you’re there to insure that someone is reading those reports.
Go to court. Make sure you’re there every single hearing. Show up a little early and bring a few things with you–bring a recent photo of the child or children, bring an up-to-date summary of any incidents that have happened since the last court date. I like to e-mail *everything* then you have a little back-up proof just in case any of the lawyers act like you’re giving them new news. Try to chat with both the GAL and the caseworker before court. Give that photo of your kiddo to the GAL and ask that he or she give it to the judge to be included with the court documents. Having that little face looking at the judge is a massive reminder of why we’re all there in the first place.
Take notes while you’re in court. It can go quickly and be hard to understand. If you have the option, see if someone from your agency can go with you the first few times to translate. Make sure that you note the date and time of the next hearing. Also, make note of what the judge orders… If the judge orders that the bio-parent do something, it’s o.k. to ask your caseworker about progress. The caseworker might not share everything with you, but I found it never hurt to ask. I was always as diplomatic as possible and *always* polite, but I was the one in the trenches, I had a right to check up and make sure everyone else was following through. I learned to use that calendar… If the caseworker told me she’d take care of “X” I’d put a note on my calendar to ask her about it during the next home visit…
Court isn’t the only place you need to be! Get yourself to your FCRB’s. FCRB stands for Foster Care Review Board. If you’ve never been to an FCRB for your child go here. Get yourself on the mailing list and make sure that they know that the child is in your home. Sometimes when kids move, it takes the system too long to update and you’ll miss a review. You don’t want that to happen more than once. There are a few people that judges really listen to… the FCRB is one of them. You do not need anyone from your agency to go with you, but if they do attend, they can participate, too. The board will listen to your testimony as well as that from the caseworker, your agency, the biological family.. And then they’ll make a recommendation to the court. The court takes this recommendation over half of the time.
If you’re doing these things and following up, you’re doing what you can. Hopefully the courts will make the best decisions. Just be glad that you aren’t the one who has to make those calls. Watching a parent lose his or her rights to their child is one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen. Driving with V the other day I started thinking about what his bio-mom has missed out on and I started crying. He is about the coolest 7 year old in the whole wide world, and she never gets to cuddle him, she never gets to hear his questions, she never gets to tickle him or look into his blue eyes. A parent losing there rights is a big deal. And there’s a reason that it takes the courts so long to get through the process. Each day that a foster kiddo stays in care, however, is chance for you to love him or her. It’s chance for them to see what a family should be and feel safe and loved. Even the kids that were only with us for a short time, left a huge impression on us… and we got to see, even in just months, how much they changed and grew and how much of an impact we had on them.
Parenting isn’t’ for the weak. Foster parenting is for the iron-man athletes of the parenting world.
Yea but…
So, there is an article that has been floating around my Facebook page. It’s a letter from a stay at home mom to her partner about needing a break.
And it was interesting. Being a SAHM was so different than I imagined. There are still days (more than I care to admit) that I look around and wonder what happened. My plans fall apart, the messes multiply, and a kid pukes ; p
*But*, it’s a good gig. I am so incredibly lucky to have a husband who loves me and provides for all of us. We made a commitment to having a stay at home parent and both value that role.
There are two things I wish I could tell every woman who reads and agrees with that article.
1. This stage is temporary… Little kids are only little for a short period of time. Those days are long and hard and tough. But, they’re limited. I won’t tell you that you will look back and miss them. But, I will tell you that you can and will survive and it’ll be done in the blink of an eye.
In a few blinks of an eye, they’ll be in school full time. Very soon, they won’t want to be in the bathroom with you. And, right after that, they won’t want to admit they know you & won’t even want to be seen with you.
These years aren’t a joke, but they are short. This, too, shall pass!
2. Your husband isn’t the only answer. Yes, SAHP need a break, they need adult conversation, and a life to live. But, those things don’t *have* to come at the expense of your marriage. And your partner isn’t the only one who can fill that need.
Family members can be a huge help. Grandma or Auntie or even a cousin can step up and help. It can be hard to ask, but the answer “yes” is worth that!
No family nearby? Hire some help… Maybe a mother’s helper is the answer, maybe you need a full-on nanny. We had an amazing set of extra hands work with our family for 3 years. She was with the kids 3 afternoons and one evening a week. We were able to have date nights, I could have one on one time with the kids, and I could do laundry without folding around a toddler. It was expensive, but it was worth it.
No cash for that? Trade! Find another mom, trade mornings. Again, it can be hard to ask, but so worth it!
There are other options, too. Look at your church, use the daycare at the gym (you can just take a solo shower! They won’t care!), get creative!
I don’t think there is anything wrong with the working parent jumping in. I loathe when my kids refer to B as their “babysitter”. He’s not, he’s dad. But, he’s a dad who works really hard and needs a break, too.
No matter your role, parenting isn’t for wimps.
Sick baby
It’s so hard to be a mom to a sick kid.
I don’t know what my mom will think when she reads this… But, it’s my blog and my life, so I will share. I don’t know that I was nursed back to health all that much by my mom. I know she would make jello and have sprite on hand. But, I really just remember sleeping on the couch and watching t.v. solo. I also remember being given a bell to ring if I needed anything.
And I *know* that I am lacking in this area. I warned B before we married that I don’t do well around sick people. I try to get everything he needs and let him rest when he’s sick. But, I am just not very patient with illness.
I try to be better for the kids. I try to snuggle them and love on them and care for them when they’re sick. But, I am guilty of giving them the
puke bowl
and just sending them to the sofa. I am guilty of expecting quick recoveries. And I probably don’t have as much sympathy/empathy as I should.
So, to my kiddos, I am sorry in advance. I am trying…
V has a temperature of 103.5, Bean is just over 100. My poor sick babies 🙁
- « Previous Page
- 1
- …
- 9
- 10
- 11
- 12
- 13
- …
- 45
- Next Page »