Today Might Just Be the Day...

So, I did it.

I am a marathon finisher.

I have done what only 5% of our population will ever do.

As the day approached the news was calling for rain. The first time I checked the forecast it said a 10% chance. The next time I checked it was up to 30%. Once it was over 50%, I stopped checking.

I was worried about increased chaffing and blisters and all sorts of unseen issues with running in the rain. Most of the time I run inside & am very much a fair weather runner.

The night before the race I laid out my supplies–including a $1 poncho in case of rain & tried to get to bed early. Grandma came over to stay with the kids & all 4 stayed up later than mom. I woke up at 3:45 & was on the road by 4:10. It was a good thing I left when I did–parking was a mess. I made it to the bus by 4:55.

The start for this race is on the outskirts of town in the foothills of a mountain range. I wandered a bit, stretched out & found a potty. The rain wasn’t there, so I went ahead and dropped my bag (with my jacket & poncho) to be taken to the finish. And I found a bench. About 5 min later it started to sprinkle. Thankfully, I had bought a hat so my head & face stayed dry.. I had on sleeves, too, so I wasn’t getting cold or anything.

And I headed off for potty trip #2 (I could blame my nerves, but most of you know this is normal for me!).

As I was waiting, they played the national anthem.. And they set off fireworks!! So cool! Then bagpipe players played as we made our way to the start. Thankfully, the line moved quickly & I made it to the start before the starting gun.

The rain was still coming down.. And it got worse as we waited for the countdown. I tried to just be friendly & let the other runners keep me dry & warm–I was missing that poncho at this point!

But, the gun went off & I took off with the rest of them.

Thankfully, the rain ended within about 10-20 min after the start. I was wet from head to toe, but not cold. It was ok.

I was really worried about starting too fast. And I wanted to run with my intervals from the start. My plan was 13 minute miles, using intervals of 8 min jogging to 2 min walking. And that was what I did.

The first 10 miles were beautiful. We ran down the foothills of a mountain. The desert landscape was a great distraction. My pacing was comfortable and I fell into a cycle of passing and being passed by the same runners over and over again.

As I got to the half way point, I felt great.

The next few miles were through nice neighborhoods with tons of fragrant orange blossoms. Other than the occasional idiot trying to drive on the course, it was just perfect.

I started this post yesterday & have been thinking more and more about the race. I think it actually rained or sprinkled as I was on the course, but I really don’t even remember now. I remember the mom & daughter who passed me early on.. And I remember passing them around mile 20. I remember the 2 dudes who paced with me for many miles–it kind of made me feel tough since one of them had an iron man logo tattoo on his calf (I was keeping pace with an iron man!). But, I really have no clue if it rained as I was running or not.

Around mile 20 I started feeling the distance. But, I’d done 20 before and I felt o.k.

Then at mile 24 or so I started really feeling it.. A guy who’d passed me several times (all the same way), passed me again and said “great job!”. And that comment (that he’d said to me a handful of times already) was just too much. I started crying. I tried to stop, but it turned to a full on sob. I couldn’t jog, but I kept on walking… When I was at my worst, I sent a text to B.

But, before he could call me back… I sucked it up and trotted on.

I can’t say that it was really jogging at that point. And my intervals were much, much shorter.. But I was back on it! After a half mile or maybe a mile of my meltdown, I was able to push on to the end!

I made it!

The finish line was already being taken down, the vendors were leaving.. But, I made it! I even beat my goal! I finished sub 6 hours.

I called Grandma & the kids (they were in the parking lot, but avoiding the rain). I somehow found my drop bag and waddled to the car.. As soon as I started the car it started pouring and the thunder and lightening came. I feel like that was just one more thing showing me how great my race was–I finished before the downpour!

The “after” shot 🙂

The chitlins are on break… And since we are on “modified year round” schedule, break is over 2 weeks long.

This morning I took the kids hiking. It was the first time in years that I’d been. And I was quickly reminded that I enjoy going up much more than down. The kids quickly left me in the dust on the return trip. So, I had time to think.

And I decided that I would set a goal of using this break to get back to this blog. I may not post about the kids, it may not be long, but I will post a little something for every day off they have–I may even post twice today to give myself a buffer 🙂

Anyhow.. The kids all enjoyed parts of the hike. V was done first–he complained pretty much non-stop after the first quarter mile or so. Bean told me several times that I am, “the best mom ever” on the bottom half, but melted a bit as we went on. D & d made it all the way to the peak! The younger 2 & I made it about 3/4 of the way and waited for them.

This afternoon the plan is attempting a swim in our cold pool.

I haven’t posted here.

And what have I been up to?

Running, running, running.

And errands and kids. And laundry and kids and dishes and errands and running. Lather, rinse, repeat..

Somewhere in there I have had a couple ill kids, I’ve battled another sinus infection or two… There were a few weeks that asthma was killing me. And I have still been watching the little dude three days a week. Oh, and in case that didn’t keep me busy enough, I still have my Daisy troop and the volunteer work for the kids’ classes. The truth is that my life is good. But, as good as it is, it’s also busy.

I have managed to get the runs in though. A few weeks ago I was planning on an 18 mile run. And my legs and my head gave up. I only made it 17 miles. It was frustrating and scary. Thankfully, I rallied and made it a whole 20 miles in my training run this past weekend. Each of these runs has been my longest run ever. And I made it!

I am under 2 weeks away from my marathon. I was fighting some killer insomnia last night and started looking at the site for the race. I am both a little relieved and a little more freaked out now that I’ve done so.

The good news = I will not be kicked off the course if I don’t keep the 6 hour pace, they’ll just shut down the course at 6 hours.. LOL! But, that is good news.. I will be able to finish! The bad news = I still don’t know if my legs will carry me that far. I have read a lot of training plans.. Many of them have the longest pre-race run at only 20 miles. Other marathoners have told me that 20 miles is long enough for a long run. It’s still freaking scary.

 

Along with the running training.. I am still fighting my other battles. I am still in the marathon against my food issues. Over the last year or so 10 pounds crept back on… And in the last two months another 10 pounds. I am back out of my thin clothes. There are items that are new with tags that are hanging my closet that I may never wear. Sigh. It’s frustrating. It feels un-ending (and I know, for a fact, that it really *is* an un-ending battle for me). I am starting to loathe the body that I see in the mirror. And it’s compounded by the fact that my body *should* be amazing me. Who would have dreamed that *I* could ever run 20 miles?!?

And hand-in-hand with my weight and food issues are my depression issues.

As I type this the tears are coming. Thankfully, the tears are far less frequent than they were in years past. I have been working with my therapist for about a year now and there are times that I feel like I am making progress and that there could be a finish line somewhere in my future. But, on days like today, I feel like I am at the bottom of a well and there’s no rope waiting to pull me up.

So, that’s my other battle. And it is a battle.

 

I just read a blog post about a marathon… And I am tearing up. I honestly do not know if I will finish my first marathon attempt, but I do know that working towards that goal makes me stronger. I know I will try. And I know that I am a runner.

I just made a kissing sound to baby boy to get him to follow me, just like I call the dogs.

I have no clue if I ever ordered several gifts.

I also have no clue if a couple got here or not.

I think at least a few “gifts” I bought will end up being to me.

I sampled “uh lot” of the candy cane vodka I made & plan on doing so again very, very soon.

I have barely contemplated holiday baking & may cut way back this year. I don’t know that I am strong enough to resist eating the baked goods if I make them.

I was secretly happy that baby boy wouldn’t nap yesterday–I love snuggling him & welcomed the excuse to hold him.

28th

My dogs are not like my kids. They aren’t even close. But, I am still thankful for my girls. Maggie & Penny are always happy to see me, love to play, and definitely make life more exciting. They are such a huge part of our kids’ lives. I hate the fur and the other various messes, but I do love our pups.

29th

I am thankful for the family I married into. I picked a good man, and it’s obvious where he learned it.

30th

I am so thankful for this blog. I am not a good blogger.. I rarely post more than once a week, but I still like having this here. It gives me an outlet for my thoughts. It lets me show off my adorable kiddos. Thanks to anyone who reads this, too 🙂

My heart is full of thanks today! And it’s a good thing because, once again, I have some catch up to do!

18th

My little dude. He is an amazing little guy. He’s smart and funny and witty–that part is probably my favorite.. the fact that he has the ability to combine his humor and smarts together! He came to us at twenty months old. And we never babied him. I do have a little regret about that. I so wish we’d been able to love him all of those months before… Now I will have to work the rest of my life as his mom to make up for those months. I am so very glad for the time that we do get.

 

19th

Next up, the princess! Who knew that parenting a girl would change me… I have always dreamed of being a mom, but somewhere in there I decided that in the dream, I was the mom of boys. Boys are wild and crazy and loud and so am I! Turns out, we could have a wild, crazy, loud girl, too!

Her love and hugs have the ability to change my mood. Her drama has the ability to try even the strongest parent. She amazes me.

 

20th

Our school… I got an e-mail this morning.. It was a little frantic. Bean’s teacher is new to her grade this year & she didn’t know, but all of the 1st grades were making “friendship mix” and she needed donations. Living as close as we do, I popped a few items in a bag from our pantry and walked over. I planned on asking her if she wanted me to run to the store for more supplies. Well, when I got to the classroom my question was answered. Her counter was over-flowing with goodies for the kids. At least 5-6 parents had read the e-mail and immediately jumped into action. And that’s just the way it is. I volunteer for every.single.field.trip. And know how many I’ve gotten to attend? 1! They do a lottery. There are so many parents that want to jump in and help that they literally turn parents down. There are even community members who don’t have kids at the school who volunteer.

I am so very glad that my kids get the benefit of all of these parents who care about our school and work hard to make it the best that it can be.

And I realize how cheesy it sounds. I’m ok with cheese.

21st

The other day I got an e-mail from Chuck E. Cheese. It was to wish our daughter, Anna, a happy birthday.

Every year I get this reminder… The reminder that the little girl I love so very much is out there. That she was taken from our loving family and placed back into a bad situation. I get the reminder that even though we love her and loved her and she left a mark on us we will likely never see her again.

But, for right now, I am going to fight through these tears and be grateful. And I truly am. I am so glad that I got to be a part of her life. I am so glad that I got to love on each of our former foster kids for as long or as short as it was. I learned so much through those years.  They were hard and fun and chaotic. And I am so glad that I got the chance to be a part of them. I hope that they all know one day how much we loved them.

22nd

I am thankful for Coke Zero. And that’s all I have to say about that.

23rd

I am thankful for my sorority. I am not involved with much of the alumni stuff… And I don’t know that I was a very good sorority girl. But, I am so glad that they were there to take me through college–and I needed some people to take me through! I’m glad they made me make grades and forced me to volunteer. But, mostly I’m glad that they connected me with the women that I am so glad to have as my friends. I am so grateful for my sisters and my friends.

24th

I am thankful for Doctor Who. I am not a “Whovian”. If I’m being completely honest, I don’t really even “get” the show! But, I am glad that I have something that I can share with my kids and my friends… I’ll resort to bribery for girlfriend time anytime!

25th

I am grateful for Brian’s work. Not only does it provide for our family, but it’s also given me one of my very best friends 🙂

26th

I must give thanks to technology… It lets me feel connected to friends and family no matter how far they are. Many of my favorite friends live in my computer, in fact 😉

27th

I am thankful for photos. I love looking at old pictures. I love looking at new pictures. I love watching the kids while they look at photos. I love getting to tell the same stories over and over again. I love getting to see the way that their lives are being formed through all of these memories that we capture.

My little Day-Day… When we met our big boys, my heart pretty much melted instantly. And David, well, he had me wrapped around his little finger from day one. He was a snuggle bug. He lived for hugs and kisses and was happiest never having to walk a step–me being a mom for the first time after years of struggling with infertility, well I was happy to never let his feet touch the ground.

He’s not so much of a cuddle-bug now that he’s entering his tween years. But, he is just as sweet. He plays so well with his little brother (well, most of the time!). He is friends with all of the girls. My theory is that he’s a good listener 🙂

He’s also a little smartie pants… I think he’d agree that he’s a bit lazy, but the school stuff comes pretty easy to him.

I am just so glad he’s my little dude (or not so little anymore!).

 

Since I haven’t done it yet, I will talk about my kids. Starting with my oldest, Dan. I am so thankful for Daniel. He is just a “good” kid. I love watching him care for little dude. I love watching him be gentle and kind with his younger siblings. I love seeing him grow and change and become a person rather than just a kid. I have so many clear memories of those first hard days of being his mom… I remember taking him to day care for the first time. He was a virtual stranger to me at that point. But, when I dropped him off he was scared and started crying and nobody ran to rescue him.. I left the center and cried the whole way to work. And my love for him has only grown since then. We have our issues and he is not the easiest kid to parent. But, he didn’t have an easy start to life. He has overcome some massive obstacles. And I know we have much to look forward to with him in the future. He will be an amazing dad one day. And he will make a great partner to someone…Oh, and he is a great running partner. He’s also the only one who will go along with my craziness, but that’s beside the point ;P

 

8

Learning and growing as a person… I am so glad that I get to keep trying every.single.day! I think back to when I was first married.. I had so much to learn about being a wife. I am so glad B gave me time to learn. And I think back about our early days as foster parents–we knew nothing! I am so glad I get to keep moving forward! Even my jogging… I never knew I was a runner, it took me 30+ years to figure it out!

9

I am thankful for my “family”. Obviously I am thankful for my given family & the one I married into. But, this “family” is the one who stays around by choice! I am so glad I have friends who will drop anything if I need them. I have friends who have played huge roles in the lives of my kids. I am just so thankful for those people who have loved me like their own.

10

I am thankful for books. I used to get myself in trouble.. I would get caught reading under the covers time and again. And then I got a bit older, but the trouble didn’t go away, it just morphed. No more was my mom worried about my sleep.. So, unchecked, I would stay up all night reading and pay the price the next day (that’s a bad habit I still haven’t quite kicked!). But, I am so glad that books are there! V is becoming a reader–watching him dive into a new subject and devour a book makes me a combo of proud, delighted, and envious! So, thanks to the authors, librarians and the inventor of e-books!

11

I am thankful for the foster care system. It is so broken, yet still helped to create my beautiful family. I am thankful for all of the underpaid, over-worked people who picked their passion over a paycheck and who are working for kids and families. When you think about it, it’s pretty amazing that a family can be revived after abuse or neglect, and it’s beautiful to see the adoptions in the cases where it doesn’t work out. It certainly leaves a lot to be desired, but “the system” is still something to give thanks for.

12

I am thankful for hand me downs and recycled toys… I am thankful that I found a community of moms who pass things along and share.

13

I am thankful for the quiet moments alone with B. He is an amazing provider and it’s fun to watch him be a dad. But, I love our pillow talk. I am thankful for those nights that we can’t get through a show from the DVR because we’re too busy pausing it to chat and catch up. I am thankful for the nights that we don’t really talk, but are just together–just being near one another and feeling sure of our love. I am thankful for the one day escapes and the date nights and our travels alone. I am thankful for our life and love as a couple,

14

I am thankful for my neighbors. My car wouldn’t start the other day & it was so reassuring knowing that I could call on a handful of people who were right there and willing to help. I love the fact that I can let my kids go play & I know that if my kids are annoying or they need to go, the neighbors have no issue sending them home. I love the fact that we know our neighbors. Some only by their wave, but many because they are our friends. And I love that my kids have friends to play with here. When we bought out house we fell in love with the backyard, but now I find that the real gem is right out the front door. *Note, the other day I was thankful for the hood, this is the people 😉

15

I am thankful for the release of crafting. I never really knew how much it meant to me until I put more time into it. But, I love the feeling of having made something. I love showing my love with the gifts that I hand made. I love learning a new skill or trying out a different technique. Thanks to the wonder of the internet and the black hole that is Pinterest, I always have an idea to try out, and some of them even turn out pretty cool. As I type this I am laying under some wall art that *I* made. At least two of the kids are sleeping with blankets I sewed for them… And the neighbor kids count on me to have a fun project to try. So, I like to think that I make use of this… But, I am so grateful for crafts.