I missed posting these a month ago when school started..

We are on the road again.

Very excited about this little get away. We did a weekend in CA over summer break. We played in the sand and went to Universal Studios.

And we were done with travels… That is, until Nana told us that she was making plans 🙂 One of my brothers is in San Diego doing some training. So, Nana & Papa flew my sister-in-law and niece out to see him. Nana & Papa are meeting us there, too. *And* if that weren’t exciting enough, my other little brother and his girl friend are coming down from San Francisco, too!

This will be the first time my brother & his wife have the chance to meet V & B! Yes, you read that correctly–they have never met my youngest two kids!

School is already in week 4. How did that happen?!?

So far we have had 3 notes about behavior from a teacher, 1 letter from the principal & 1 trip the ER.

Thankfully, I think that they are calming down as the notes have slowed.. And D is healing O.K.

He was playing football before school & was pushed from behind and ended up hitting his head (face) on a wall. This happened on Friday and each day it has looked a little worse, but I think we reached the apex & it’ll start to come around. Another mommy-first was his cut… No stapes or stitches, just glue for this wound.

I know what you really want to know though… How have I been spending *all* of my free time? Well, I wasted a good week or so getting really sick. It started in my sinuses & turned into pneumonia 🙁 The more fun stuff = sewing! I have made 2 weighted blankets for local kids–one with autism, the second with some anxiety. The blankets are supposed to be calming. I also have been running around (literally!) at the Adventure Run. I have been volunteering this season– they pay us in free shoes! I just earned a pair that I will be using for my half marathon in November (training started yesterday).

What have you been up to?

One of the things that has cracked me up this summer is seeing a new side of D. He has always been the kid with the most energy. He doesn’t like to just veg out with the tv. But, I had no idea how much he relies (thrives?) on my keeping the family busy.

There are a bunch of blog posts floating around about making your kids play and letting them be bored. And while I agree with that in principle, I think having independent kids is awesome, I keep the kids busy for my own sanity. When we are busy we have less time to trash the house, less energy for fighting, an incentive to get chores done (to get to the fun!)… Basically it works for us. Busy kids = happy mama 🙂

Anyhow, D knows we keep busy, but he wants a plan. So, I have made a little Pinterest inspired creation to show him the plan.

As I sit here and listen to the screaming kid, I ponder his wails.

Allow me to be a bit snarky while I guess why the wails..

He just realized you really did name him Track.

And he realized that he won’t be able to change that for another 15 years or so.

He is realizing that his mom couldn’t care less about his safety (just a guess by the fact that she’s watching him do all sorts of stupid stuff that’s against the rules & just dangerous on the trampolines).

He just realized the free wifi in her stinks! (And it totally does! I am with him on that one)

He is insanely jealous of sibling set in all matching outfits for no apparent reason. Not the jealously, that is understood.. The 5 matching outfits is a little odd though.

He met a kid with a more unique first name?

And my best guess…?

Because his mom lets him?

Shut that kid up! Or at least try to do something… And, Track? Really? Or did you spell it Traque to be creative?

Sigh.

There are times that I forget about our struggle. There are days and weeks that I don’t think about the fact that I have PCOS. There are times that I don’t yearn for a baby.

But, then there are the times that it comes up.

Sometimes I expect the sorrow.

Other times the grief sneaks up on me.

I have studied grief. And it stinks. It stinks knowing that I have so far to go still.

And I don’t know how to move forward.

I am sad and angry and want to have a massive tantrum.

And I can’t. And it’s something that so few people understand. And those that do likely see my beautiful children & wonder how dare I be sad. But, it’s possible. I know how lucky I am. I am so very grateful for my children. I love them. I wouldn’t take back our journey to a forever family.

But, I do still grieve. I never got the chance to anticipate a baby. I never got to enjoy each day without the fear of them leaving. I look at their beautiful faces in awe. But, there is no part of me.

We just started the next phase of summer vacay.. I am back on my own.

My parents left this morning. While they’re here I have an extra set of eyes and hands and a little energy to borrow. I also get to talk to adults. I think/hope/pray that talking to my children will eventually be like talking with adults, but we aren’t there just yet.

Safe travels to Nana & Papa & extra caffeine for me 🙂