Today Might Just Be the Day...

What happens in the daily life of the family.. the drama of foster care, the adventures of parenting, & pictures to share with everyone!

Putting the Pieces Together

By: comment

It seems like the more that I *need* to blog, the less that I do.

There are a million things going on with us right now. The other day I e-mailed my mom and on my second page or so I realized that it was too much stuff for just an e-mail and warranted a chat on the phone. Wish I could call some of you to bounce all of this stuff off of, too.

One of the reasons that I haven’t blogged is because this feels more personal somehow. I have shared so much of myself and my family on here already that I cannot imagine it being more personal. But, I think it’s my “mama bear” instinct.

D has been having issues in school. Now, that’s not new. If you’ve ever met him, you know that he is full of energy. From about the first month that he was with us, we knew that there was something going on. But, it’s been a puzzle for us to solve. When he started preschool, he wasn’t well behaved enough to attend the preschool near our home. They suggested he be screened for special needs. Well, just like we knew, there wasn’t anything going on as far as his motor skills and he was right on course academically.

In preschool, we met with the teachers and the mental health side. He’s such a wonderful, caring little boy, but so full of energy. We tried some play therapy at the end of preschool and kept on just tyring to teach him how to manage his own behaviors.

As he entered elementary school, he was up against the same challenge. It’s so obvious to everyone that he wants to do the right thing, but sometimes those impulses are just too much for him.

So, in first grade, we again pursued some behavioral health help and he was formally diagnosed with ADHD. And we were paired with an amazing behavior coach. His coach met with him and with us. He thrived with the extra attention and worked hard to impress his coach. And we learned more tools to work with him, too.

Throughout our parenting journey, we’ve read tons of books and attended classes and have really worked at learning how to be our best.

But, there doesn’t seem to be an easy answer.

D did so well with the behavior coach that the services were closed out after only six months. Throughout this time D has done o.k. in school. He’s always very close with his teachers, he loves school, and is a fun kid. But, homework is a struggle. Sometimes it’s a battle. On a few nights, I have felt like I was in the middle of a war. Both of us have ended up in tears on more than one occasion. So, even though things have been o.k., there’s always been some room for improvement.

As concepts became more difficult, so did the issues with homework. In third grade, D started slipping behind his classmates.

So, back for help we went again. This time we made the difficult choice to medicate him. I am a believer in better living through chemistry, but it’s hard when it’s your kid. I will say it has been a really good choice for him. He’s done better at managing his behaviors and school work is much easier when you’re able to sit still to get through it. We actually were incredibily lucky because we’ve seen no ill side-effects on him. We’ve read and heard stories of kids and adults having to try medication after medication and dose after dose, but we were able to get something that worked right away and have pretty much stuck with it.

Then we threw another wrench in the plan. We moved.

Our new school has some huge positives for a kiddo with ADHD. They have school uniforms, there’s a ton of structure, and there’s modified year round schooling–all of these are really great for kids with ADD/ADHD. However, they’re also about a year ahead of the typical school academically, not so great for a kiddo who was already struggling. On top of that, last year we started to see some alarming things with D’s school work. He was still flipping around some numbers and letters, he couldn’t seem to lock his basic addition and subtraction facts into his memory despite hours and hours of practice.

So, we all ended up seeking more answers. And it has been a very slow process.

Thankfully, we feel like there was a bit of a breakthrough last week! The school district came in and screened him for learning disabilities, issues with his motor skills and speech issues. And the findings were just what we were seeing and feeling at home. He’s doing well in almost every area… but, across the board he had some problems with his short term memory. The school has also told us that these issues are common for kids with ADHD. And the best part in this is that he qualifies for an IEP (Individualized Education Program). Basically, the school will work with him and us to help him be successful in school. We’ve been very fortunate to have teachers since he started school that have been willing to work with us and him. Now, they’ll all have to in the future, too. And, hopefully, with the added help, he’ll continue to learn the skills that he needs to have to cope with ADHD. Because, like it or not, he will have to learn how to manage this.

The next step for us will be learning what else we can do to work with him and the school.

We know that this was just the next little piece to the puzzle. And there’s still hard work ahead for all of us. But, we left the meeting last week, for the first time in awhile, with hope for him to do well at the school he’s currently attending.

Wow! Long post! But, it’s been a lot of little steps to get here. And that’s only one small area of what all has been happening at our home… more to follow soon!

Parental Duties

By: comment

O.K. There are some things that you have to do as a parent. You need to feed and clothe and bathe your kids. You have to provide them with shelter and protect them and keep them safe and all that good stuff. And, as we are learning, you have to do a ton to help out with their education…

But, those aren’t the only requirements. After all, just being an adult who is fed and has a home does *not* a good person make.

One of the first ways that we knew that our boys were our boys was hearing our sense of humor mimicked back to us.

At only 2 & 3 they were already learning about pranks and sarcasm and all of that humor that has kept us from killing each other after all of these years.

So, obviously, I think that teaching a kid how to laugh is important… Humor, seriously (pun intended!) is what allowed us to succeed in the crazy world that is foster parenting….

Humor isn’t the only escape that we used though… Daddy, more than I, is a huge movie buff. When we went from 3 kids to 4 (and then from 4 to 5 to 4 to 5 to 4 to 6 and finally back to 4) we realized that we needed help and time. We made a huge effort to have a date night every.single.week. Now, some of those dates ended early so we could sleep. But, movies were an escape for us. A chance to not think about the laundry and work and chaos of daily life.

Teaching the kids our love of the cinema has been about the easiest thing ever. Although, I have to say that their taste leaves something to be desired. Then again, I am a sucker for a romantic comedy… Not just the good ones either, I’ll pretty much watch anything that’s romantic and remotely funny.

The real thought that sparked this post—just like in real life, on my blog, my thoughts wander, too–was music.

When B and I met, I remember him looking at my CD collection (kids, CD’s were what we used before iPods existed) and approving me based on my taste in music. One of my favorite things in the world is a road trip and I love them because they give you hours in a car with music and conversation… What could be better?

We have wanted to pass a passions for music onto our kids as well. But, it’s a challenge… So many songs have questionable (to put it lightly) lyrics. There was a song that was popular when D & D were little called “Smack That”. We convinced them the real lyrics were “Snack Pack” and then started changing what was on the car… One easy solution is country music… The lyrics, most of the time, aren’t as risqué. But, I don’t think that B has ever willingly listened to country without me in the car. So, I remember thinking about oldies. I wanted the kids to listen to the oldies that I did when I was a kid.

But, those oldies are all but gone. They aren’t on the radio anymore… So, we sought them out. Bean’s favorite song used to be “Big Girls Don’t Cry” and all of the kids love the song “Lollipop”. Thanks to the movies, the kids not only love Abba songs, but they can identify the band!

It’s a little more work, but I think it’s worth it to expose the kids to different music. They still love new stuff… And we hear those questionable lyrics still… Nothing quite like hearing your little girl sing, “brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack”… But, I think we’re at least creating a little bit of balance.

Perhaps the band who the kids have had the most exposure to is the Beatles. Big D is far too shy to sing it in front of anyone, but he can sing “Black Birds” very well. All of the kids have been singing “Yellow Submarine” non-stop the last couple of days… And last night the Beatles, in a way, were the big boys’ first concert experience.

Daddy took the boys to see The Fab Faux. Now, I have blogged about this band before.. They copy, to perfection, the recorded sound of the Beatles. And last night was Daddy’s 6th time seeing them. Tonight will be my 3rd. And I will tell you that all of the boys were very happy about last night’s show. I am sure I will feel the same way in a few hours!

And, if you spin things the way I do, we get good parenting points for the exposure!

Hope you all are having a great long weekend!

And, if you get the chance… Check out this site: http://www.thefabfaux.com/wap/

The Summer

By: comment

I started this the day that school got out, but, obviously, it hasn’t made it to the posted stage yet. We’ve been busy!

 

****************************

 

Well, as of a little over an hour ago, the big boys joined V on summer break.

And the question that I’ve been asked again and again is what our summer plans are. And, honestly, we don’t have that many. But, I will share what we typically do and some ideas to keep cool and busy over the summer.

First, swim! This is our first summer having our own pool. The last few years we’ve bought a family pass to the city pool. It’s under $100 for all of us and well worth it! Our city pools vary by location, but the one that we went to had a couple water slides, fountains to play in, and a separate dive pool. Pretty darn awesome! A link to PHX pools for locals…

To go along with all of that swimming, we’ve always done swim lessons. My big hint is to look for lessons right before or in the middle of free time. That way you don’t have to pack up and go home right away. It’s a chore getting a whole family to the pool. Might as well stretch it.

If you don’t want to swim, don’t discount other water adventures… There are a bunch of splash parks and our zoo has several splash pads as well. Link to some info on splash pads in the valley

The zoo is the most expensive option I’ve listed so far and it cans be a good deal, too. I highly recommend buying a membership.. The zoo is open an hour earlier for members. So, you can go early in the day and avoid, some of, the heat. The daily rates are pretty high, but for under $200, our whole family (and another adult) can enjoy for 13 months— there are always specials going on, we took advantage of an extra month. Phoenix zoo’s current specials are listed here.

The other thing that we’ve been doing for the last couple years is the movies. For $7 a kid (mom, too), we have weekly tickets to a kid friendly movie. It’s a total of 10 movies, but we never make it to all of them. The kids have their reusable cups and we share popcorn… It ends up being around $10 a week for all of us!

And then there’s the whole learning thing… I try my hardest to make sure we keep up some educational stuff. So, we always participate in the library’s summer reading program. And since we just moved a few months ago, we’re in a new library system and they have tons of cool programs going on. Some of the things that our library offers are year round, others are one time deals. Weekly, over the summer, they have special guests come in and do shows.. they also offer story times and some fun classes for all of the kids. D and d are going to a Diary of a Wimpy Kid party this week and next week, they get to make guacamole. How cool is that? And we love the fact that it’s free!

Oh, and while you’re at the library–look for a culture pass! They’re the coolest. Basically, you check out free tickets to a bunch of local museums.. Again, they’re free! Sometimes it’s only for a couple of tickets, others you can get four tickets for. All of them expire 7 days after they’re checked out. This has been going on for awhile now and it’s so very cool. You do need to get to our library early if you want to get a pass, but if they’re all checked out, you can still entertain the kids with all of the books and other fun stuff to check out.

Our favorite museum is the Children’s Museum of Phoenix. It’s very interactive and the kids have a blast. It is on the expensive side though. We have bought an annual pass to this museum, but because of the downtown location, I don’t know that we’ll do it again. We’ve also bought a membership to the Arizona Museum for Youth in Mesa. It’s much smaller than CHOP, but it still has lots to see and do. And it’s very affordable.

We also are a family that loves sports. So, I plan on taking the kids to a baseball game or two. We’re lucky because we can get tickets from time to time. But, there are ways to get free or discounted tickets to the Diamondbacks as well. First, they do have coupons in the Entertainment Book–if you didn’t buy one when they came out last year in the fall, you can now get one for a steal. Also, if your kiddos join the No Chew Crew then they can get a free ticket to a Sunday game. And the Diamondbacks have added value items to their menu so you won’t have to spend a fortune on treats. And, you can take your own food into the park. You can also take in bottled water, just make sure that the bottles are unopened. When we go to the games with the kids, we try to keep in mind that they’re kids and we try to break it up and make it fun.. there is a play area on the upper deck so they can get out some of the wiggles.

What else do we do….?

Oh, we’re also doing some sports this summer. V & B are going to play indoor soccer and the big boys will be playing flag football. I’m looking forward to it as we haven’t done sports since last fall.

And, I am going to be running. I have decided to run my first half marathon (notice how I said first, like there will be more..?) in November. So, I am starting my training now. It’s going slowly, but it is going.

 

So, what are you doing this summer? Any tips you want to pass along to our family?

We’re hoping to also get in a few play dates! So, call if you have free time!

My Wisdom for the Day

By: comment

So, as I’ve started into this craft thing, one of the big problems that I’m having is focus. So, I *could* have a little ADD… But, what’s more of the issue is that it’s fun to learn new stuff. I’d much rather spend my time trying out new things than actually making the things that I’ve perfected. And, the least amount of fun is posting those items and selling them. I’d much rather be a crafter (and, yes, I do know that that’s not a real word)  than a seller. And I’d rather be experimenting than duplicating.

As I was pondering that, it came to mind that that’s kinda how a lot of things are. Once we really know what we’re doing, it’s time to move on… I have joked that the problem with planning a wedding is that you only get to do it once. It takes you that whole time to figure out what you’re doing, then you don’t get to practice it at all. The same kinda happens with parenting. You finally become an expert at the newborn thing, then they become infants and there’s another world to learn. You master the bottle or the breast or whatever, then it’s time to start talking about solids. You finally get the hang of packing a diaper-bag just right, then it’s time to start potty training.

I’ll tell you the truth. I don’t mind potty training. That age of kiddo (1.5 to 3) is about my favorite age, although, I do adore babies.. and it’s pretty fun having actual conversations. Anyhow, I’d gladly potty train kids for a living. I think that I’m pretty good at it. But, alas, that time is done at our house. Just this last week or so my “babies” have decided that they’re done with pull ups at night and neither has had a wet bed since.  Like I said, you figure it out, get good at it and then you need a new skill.

My newer challenge is figuring out what to do about the little stalker friend that D has made at school. She’s nice, but I can’t figure out how to get through to her that he can’t play after school every.single.day.

But, as I was pondering all of this, I was also thinking about posting on my blog. And that’s when the wisdom came in… (about time, right?!?) That’s what this whole blog thing is about. Now, I don’t blog to be a leader or a teacher or whatever. I am certainly not a parenting expert (although, I am a potty training expert!).  But, the cool thing is that I do have things to share. There are some things that I do know about. There are experiences that I’ve had that I can guide someone through. And, there are other blogs out there that can do the same for me.

As our society has changed, in many ways we’ve grown apart as people. We don’t know our neighbors as much as we used to (even though we live closer together). Not all of us have the safety net of family close by. But, through this magical Internet, we can all be a little closer, too. There are other moms who are out there who are posting about their challenges and successes and lives each day. And I can learn through them.

So, there is help out there. I think I might just have to do a search for kiddo stalker blogs (that’s a joke!). But, I will remember that there are others out there who I can turn to.

I just need to stay far, far away from the craft blogs! Craft time needs to be for creating, not dreaming up new visions.

What are your favorite blogs?

Another Rite of Passage

By: comment

To be a parent, there are a few things that have to happen. Sure, having a kid is a good start…

But, until you’ve cleaned poo out of the tub or been thrown up on, are you *really* a parent?? If you haven’t stayed up all night with a sick kid, or toilet trained a stubborn two year old (aren’t all 2 year olds stubborn?!?), if you haven’t reached out to catch the puke to save your clean carpet…. are you really a parent?

Since we do comando parenting and have had lots of kiddos in a short period of time, we’ve gotten to go through all of these trials and tribulations at record speed.

But, there was one thing that I hadn’t done yet. Even though we’ve gone to the ER on four occasions and to Urgent Care too many times to count, I’ve never had a child with a broken bone.

I haven’t blogged at all this week.. And this was part of the issue.

Monday we went to the park with one of V’s new friends from t-ball. And it was only a couple minutes into playing when he fell off the top of the play structure.

Being the mean mom that I am, I didn’t think anything was wrong, so I calmed V down and told him to rest for a few minutes before he went back to playing. Well, after he calmed down, I encouraged him to go play again. That wasn’t happening. He started screaming bloody murder.

So, playdate was ended and we took off for Urgent Care.

Thankfully, our wonderful sitter was already headed in our direction, so she was able to pick up the other kiddos. Brian came and met us down at the UC. It took both of us holding V to ge the x-rays taken. And they didn’t see anything.

So, home we went with a very grouchy and sore kiddo.

Tuesday I called his pediatrican to see what we should do to follow up. V’s arm was swollen and he wasn’t using it anymore than he absolutely had to.

The pediatrican told us that they wouldn’t take a second x-ray for another week.

Then, Wednesday V woke up with a horrible sounding cough. It was almost like a seal’s bark.. poor little dude! So, off to the ped we went. Oh, and somehwere between when I called the ped. that morning and when our appointment was, David’s ear started leaking gunk.. so we knew we had an ear infection on our hands, too.

Anyhow, being the thrifty mom that I am, I got a two-fer and asked the ped. to look at V’s arm while we were there.

At that point, it was very swollen and V still wasn’t using his arm for much of anything.

So, the ped referred us to an orthopedic. I had no clue how hard it would be to get an appointment with an orthopedic. I think I called about 10 different offices and the fastest I could get him in was this morning (Friday). Wow.

Anyhow, we swung by the UC to pick up the x-rays this morning and headed to the other side of Phoenix this morning for our appointment.

Turns out that V’s left arm is broken right above the elbow.

He’s not a happy camper.

But, his poor arm is now safely healing inside a bright orange cast.

So, am I a real mom yet?

Ha! Ha!

AAAHHH!

By: comment

And, no, that’s not a nice calm “Ahhh…. “, you know a sigh… it’s more of a, “What the heck was I thinking? Can someone please slow down time? How will it all get done?”, kind of scream.

I cannot believe that time decided just now to speed up. It’s so unfair!

Only 2 more days until court. I was talking to V about it on the drive to Head Start. And I started to cry.

V: Why are you crying?

Me: Because I’m so happy that you’re going to be all mine.

V: I love you, Mommy. You’re the best Mommy.

Then he reached out and we held hands for a bit. Oh, shoot, here come the water works again!

I updated my list of R.S.V.P.’s (I know nobody is surprised that I have it all on an excel file) and right now it looks like we’re going to have right around 60 people here to celebrate on Saturday. I am so excited to see everyone. It is something that *needs* to be celebrated. But, at the same time, that number is feeling a little scary. I really need to focus if I want to get the house clean & ready for a crowd. I can’t wait to see those of you who are local. And, for our farther away friends, I will be posting about a million photos very soon! I’ll be able to (finally) post photos of our cute little guy. And I will want to share our celebration with you via the computer.

******

In a totally different area of life (not that life can be divided–it completely refuses to when I ask it), I have gotten actual comments on this blog from people I don’t know “in real life”. And I’m so excited! I’m so honored that someone would read about us and our journey. I love reading other people’s blogs. But, I’m really bad about posting comments. So, a huge “Thanks” to anyone who doesn’t “know” me who’s chosen to learn more about us. And a huge “Thanks” to those of you who’ve passed along this site.

One of the things that was so interesting about the beginning of our foster careers to B & I was how little we really knew. We didn’t know how the system worked. We weren’t aware of parent’s rights, we knew nothing about the courts. We had a hard time finding services and figuring out what our role really was. And I started teaching PS-MAPP for that very reason. I don’t want anyone to go into fostering without knowing (at least a little) what’s in store for them. And, now as we’re nearing the end of this era… V will be our final adoption… I only hope that our experience will live on through another family that picks up the torch and decides that they are ready to foster. I hope that I can help at least one family along that road…

Gee-bus.. here are the tears again!

Thank you!!

Sh*t My Kid Says

By: 3 Comments

Hmmm…

I don’t know if my parents will get that reference in the title or not, but I think the book is one of the top sellers right now (http://www.amazon.com/Sh-t-My-Dad-Says/dp/0061992704/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1283377130&sr=8-1).

Anyhow, there have been things that the kids have done and said in the past that still make me smile. D used to call McDonald’s “to McDonald’s”, d was just commenting this morning how he used to call burgers boogers and ask to go eat at “Booger King”. Hamburgers were hungaburgers for a long time. Oh, and for whatever reason (Brian and I never figured this one out) hand weights or bar bells were always called “hangs”. And don’t let me forget, hangers were called hookers (heck, since I’m going there with the title, I might as well let the whole post be a little adult).

Now V has reached the age where he talks non-stop. Literally, there are times when he only pauses to take breaths and I don’t think he cares if anyone else is listening, he just goes on and on and on. His favorite things to talk about are cars, trucks, trains, monster trucks, monsters, zombies, cartoons, movies, food… In all of this talking there are a few words that he’s invented or started using. And I really had to write a couple of them down so I don’t forget. Oh, and I thought it’d be fun to see if anyone can translate.

So, here is a short list of “V” words:

  1. Tavel
  2. Curve (yes, I know what a curve is, but do you know what V means when he says it?)
  3. Alsalee
  4. Maleg

Any guesses??

The Good, The Bad, The Gross

By: comment

O.K. First, no news.

Alrighty, then!

This weekend we were busy. We had an event on Saturday and a party on Sunday. One event a day is plenty for us!

Saturday was the annual spring event for our foster care agency (tocallhome.com).  There was hat making, a cake walk, Ronald McDonald came to do a magic show… And then, the wave pool. At the *very * last minute Brian got invited to go see Conan O’Brien in Vegas so he left about halfway through. My plan was to stay at the pool for as long as I could handle all four kids. I have to say that they were so well behaved! They listened to me, they stuck together. They were being kind to each other. I am so proud! It was so nice being able to actually enjoy their company rather than fighting them to just behave enough to not drive me mad. I feel like they’re getting older and it’s a good thing.

Then came Sunday.

Or, maybe I should back up to Saturday night? Yep, better start there. So, the children wouldn’t settle down. It was frustrating because they were all exhausted from the long afternoon. There were no naps and they were very clearly ready for bed. Bean ended up sleeping with me (my bad). And the boys just kept chatting and playing. I had to go in and settle them down about 5 times. Once they were finally settled, I headed to bed early. But, sleep was not meant to be. Bean kept kicking me and playing with my hair.. and she loves to be right next to whomever she’s sleeping with.. I do *not* like anyone right next to me when I’m sleeping. Then, right around 2:30 David came into the room and turned the lights on.. I woke up to him very close to my head in tears. He’d lost a tooth and was very freaked out about it. I did manage to get him calmed very quickly and Bean didn’t even notice.

But, I was awake at that point and I had a hard time calming myself back down.

I have to say that there is a huge difference between 8 hours of sleep and 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I get enough sleep, but it doesn’t give me the same energy when it’s broken up like it often is. What year will I get to sleep again?

So, I guess that after that I was a little grouchy on Sunday. And so were my kids. Nothing was done without a battle. Messes were made with nobody willing to pick them up. Attitudes were flaring.

We had a birthday party to go to and they did do surprisingly well there, but the ride over was a mess. And on the ride home I have to say that I was just steamed. They’d been given treat upon treat this weekend and they were complaining that I wouldn’t let them eat all of the candy in their goodie bags. Really?? Who raised them like this?

I guess this post is turning into a bit of a rant.

So, with that I’ll go onto the gross. Why didn’t anyone tell me that kids were/are so disgusting? Really!?

There are hand prints on just about every surface in my home. There’s toothpaste in the sink on a daily basis. I can’t keep up with it. I hate the fact that my home looks like this. Help!

Today while the kids were gone I got a chance to mop the kitchen and I got a few loads of laundry done. I feel like progress has been made. Brian was a gem and did the dishes for me last night as well as doing some general clean up around the house. So, I guess I’m on my way to minimizing the gross.

Now I just need to keep learning the skills of my trade & hopefully at some point we can minimize both the bad and the gross.

Here’s to more good!

I hate people.

By: comment

If you know me, you’ve heard me say, “I hate people.” The longer you’ve known me, the more often you’ve heard this phrase.

Today, it was tossed around on a website that I frequent. They were talking about a woman who put her adopted son on a plane, alone, on his way back to Russia. At first, I agreed. Adoption is forever. There are no give backs. When you commit to adopting a child, it’s not a short term commitment.

But, then, as I have thought more about this story–and I don’t know how it’s possible to block it from your mind–I cannot have anything near hatred for this woman. I can only imagine the pain and heartache and tears that she’s been going through. To get to a point that you’d make such a horrible decision, what do you have to go through? I can only imagine the sense of loss and failure and pain that she and her family are going through right now. And, it’s not a hurt that left with the child. She’s lost her dream, her child, her identity as a mom. I am not saying that I agree with her choice. I cannot fathom my life without any of my children.

But, I do understand how easy it is to be fooled. I watch new foster/adoptive parents enter our classes and they all have this picture in their minds. They can actually see the little girl or boy who they will love openly. They have nothing but hope for the future. The hardest thing for me to do is get them to realize that love is not enough. These are children who have been neglected, abused, abandoned. They’re survivors who learn how to cope at far too young an age without the guidance that they needed. Love is essential, but it’s just not enough.

I don’t think that I’ve met a foster or adoptive parent who wasn’t doing it for the right reasons. They all have these amazing hearts and homes that they are so willing to open. I just wish they all had the tools to deal with the junk that will come with these hurt little ones.

Some things are worth sharing…

By: comment

This was on a message board that I frequent this morning and I really liked it…

Hanna, my seven year old from China, was in the tub. I was helping her rinse the shampoo out of her hair when she asked,  

 

“Am I a little bit Irish?”

My mind swept over some of our recent conversations about our family heritage, and I answered, “Well, ethnically you are Chinese. But since I’m a little bit Irish, then culturally, you are a little bit Irish, too.”

“When did it happen?” Hanna wanted to know.

“When did WHAT happen?” I asked, concentrating on her soapy head.

“When did I become a little bit Irish,” she explained patiently. “Was it when you kissed me for the very first time?”

I paused, shower wand in hand, and watched my daughter squeeze water out of her hair. I thought about the tiny, bundled baby that had been handed to me at the Anhui Hotel seven years earlier, and I remembered how her head felt against my cheek. I hadn’t wanted to scare her; my baby-kiss was soft and swift as I cradled her upon my shoulder. Unremarkable, it was the first kiss of many thousands, yet now, through Hanna, I see it with fairytale eyes:

My first kiss to my adopted daughter infused her with my love, my world, and the generations of my unknown ancestors! Like Sleeping Beauty wakening with a kiss from her Prince, the mother-daughter kiss called forth a magical intermingling– a covenant leaping past genetics, it bestowed Hanna and me upon each other…

My pragmatic daughter had chosen to make sense of the vast, familial complexities of international adoption with a powerfully simple symbol of promise and connection.

“Yes” I said finally. “I think that’s when it happened.”

We were SWAK.

~ Jean MacLeod

Copyright 2006, MacLeod, All Rights Reserved