Today Might Just Be the Day...

What happens in the daily life of the family.. the drama of foster care, the adventures of parenting, & pictures to share with everyone!

The Good and the Bad

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The kids went back to school yesterday (good!). But, I forgot to e-mail their teachers (bad). I was going to let them know about the loss so that they could keep me in the loop if any of the kids had any behaviors that were out of the ordinary. Well, with me forgetting, two of the kids brought it up on their own. Which, I think is a good thing. They seem to be able to talk about it. I think that shows that they’re going through the grieving process.

Through being a foster parent and training the PS-MAPP classes for so long, I learned a lot about grief. The kids that are in the system go through a tremendous amount of loss. They go through loss that is so jarring that many of them cannot recover completely. When you read about kids with attachment disorders, those are the kids who never got back to being a kid. I am grateful for what I learned. I think it makes me a better mom and a better person overall. But, as we’re going through this grieving process, I almost wish I didn’t know. Things have been going o.k. for B and his family. But, I am so incredibly worried about what lies ahead.

I think about the holidays and how they will have sadness attached to them from now on… I know that families go through this every.single.day. But, it still makes me sad for my kiddos. I don’t want them to have to think about who is missing. It’s just not fair (true and bad).

Sigh.

Anyhow, I do see some good. The other day the kids and I went to see D’s therapist and we really focused on Grandpa during the session. Afterwards, the therapist sat down with me one-on-one. She said that the reaction she’s seeing from the kids is typical (good) and that it will take them a long time to process everything. I am just so glad that we have her there as a resource. And I am so thankful for our friends and family who have been thinking/praying about and for us. We are not a religious family, but my theory is that a little bit of extra love is *never* a bad thing.

Please, go and hug on your loved ones just a little bit extra for us today!

 

Loss

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We are mid-air on our journey home. I didn’t expect this to be a happy or easy day, tired kids and the stress of travel don’t make for the most peaceful days, even in the best of circumstances. But, I had no clue what a heart-breaking journey this would be…

Yesterday, as we were waiting in customs, B got a call from his sister. His father has passed away….

Only a few months ago, Grandpa was feeling healthy and looking strong. He was having some stomach issues, and they were playing with his diet, but it seemed there was nothing more going on… But, the stomach issues continued to grow. He spent about a week in the hospital a little over a month ago—his gall bladder was removed, they treated him for pneumonia and they put in a stint. He left, but never made it back to healthy.

A few weeks ago he was back in the hospital and they finally found the cause—cancer. Such a horrible disease. Thankfully, they live close to us and their daughter so we were all able to be together and laugh and cry and support him and Grandma..

He’s been doing chemo for the past few weeks. And he was doing o.k. Have I mentioned that cancer sucks?

As you know, my family was gathering in FL for our cruise… We saw Grandpa the morning we left. I wish we would have gotten all of the kids out for hugs, but had my crystal ball been working we would have skipped the whole trip.

I feel so incredibly sad for my husband. I wish he would have gotten more time with his father.

I have told he kids that it is o.k., but there is nothing o.k. He should have had more time. He was too young and we loved him too much. There is nothing o.k. or fair about his death.

I am a very lucky. I am married to a great guy. And it is his parents I have to thank–they raised him right and have him handsome genes. They also have loved me like a daughter. They fully supported us through our crazy journey of foster care (being Grandma and Grandpa to all who came and went no matter how long they were with us). They have loved me, accepted me and treated me like a daughter. And it is not time for me to let go of my Dad yet.

Once we heard the news we worked to get B home with his sister and mom… It was not an easy day. The kids are devastated. B had to be away from us to be with others who need him, too. My parents and family were trying to help as much as they can—but, this is a loss that can’t be fixed, at least not without some time and healing…

Hold close the ones that you love. Use each day and treasure them the best that you can. Life is far too short.

Love you so very much Dad.

Best Dad Ev-ah!

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As if you didn’t know, my kids are lucky. The other night, it wasn’t just me spoiling them. If you have kids in the 8-12 age range, you’ve probably been “blessed” by being exposed to a little Adventuretime. Our boys talked B into  watching it with them a week or so ago and he got a kick out of it… especially this part:

So, B had me pick up a little extra bacon (before we heard about the possible bacon crisis!). And he made bacon pancakes. I didn’t get out the camera to photograph them, but they looked delish (and not on my diet!!). He cut up the cooked bacon and put it on the top of the pancakes as the bottom was cooking, then flipped and cooked the other side. Three out of four children agreed that they were awesome. Four out of four kids agreed that they have an awesome dad!

Blogging from my Phone

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Isn’t it cool?!? I love the fact that I can now post from my phone!

I can add pictures, too!

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Love it!

The kids are almost done with week 4 of school. I thought that I would have more time. Hopefully I will adjust and get in the groove soon 🙂

Mighty Mud Mania

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I think every year since I’ve lived in the Valley of the Sun, I’ve heard about Mighty Mud Mania and thought to myself how cool that day would be.. and once we had kids, I know for a fact that I’ve thought about taking them. This year we finally made it.

If you’re local, you should definitely plan to attend next year. There were obstacle courses, mud pits, spray zones, and water slides. There was also a huge sand castle area–where Daddy and the younger two spent most of their time. And they had a stage with Radio Disney out entertaining the kids.

The only bummer was that we had to leave early for Maggie’s first (badly needed) puppy training class.

And I *love* the photos!!

Before the mud...

Swinging over the first pit.

Getting a little more muddy through the tires...

And this is the next photo I have of D--but all you can see his his shoe!

Little d didn't avoid the mud either.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

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With all of the drama in the media regarding stay at home moms lately, I often ponder my role in the world. I definitely think that I can have an opinion on politics and the world, even if I don’t bring in a paycheck.

And sometimes I do think that it’s the hardest job in the world. Other times, I think I’m downright spoiled.

But, no matter what kind of day it is, I know that the next day will hold something entirely new.

Yesterday, Bean and I were at Costco (she was my adorable helper as we figured out the self-scanner) when I got a phone call. The reporter who interviewed us for the last piece wanted to know if he could come by again. We loved the segment he did last time so we were happy to participate again. However, that meant a change in plans. In the morning, I’d been pulling out drawers and sorting through them and making all sorts of messes. It seemed that now I had to reverse gears and clean. Nothing helps me crisis clean like a deadline and a television camera headed to my house. I succeeded in cleaning the entire middle floor and most of the downstairs before the kids even made it home from school.

The kids were all well-behaved for the reporter and we are looking forward to seeing the piece–I will, of course, share when it airs.. But, it should be a couple weeks.

And as a reward we took them out for dinner & dessert!

And then we crashed.. for a couple hours. V woke up in the middle of the night though. He had a pretty high temp (103.5) so B and I went to work getting it lowered and trying to get him comfortable. And then a couple hours later Maggie decided that it was time for her to be up.

So, that’s where my mind is. Everyday is something new, but it’s all in a day’s work as a parent. Never a dull moment.

V is feeling better this morning and we’ll be off to the pediatrician as soon as he can fit us in. But, we’ll be able to nap in a nice clean house in the meantime 🙂

 

Parental Duties

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O.K. There are some things that you have to do as a parent. You need to feed and clothe and bathe your kids. You have to provide them with shelter and protect them and keep them safe and all that good stuff. And, as we are learning, you have to do a ton to help out with their education…

But, those aren’t the only requirements. After all, just being an adult who is fed and has a home does *not* a good person make.

One of the first ways that we knew that our boys were our boys was hearing our sense of humor mimicked back to us.

At only 2 & 3 they were already learning about pranks and sarcasm and all of that humor that has kept us from killing each other after all of these years.

So, obviously, I think that teaching a kid how to laugh is important… Humor, seriously (pun intended!) is what allowed us to succeed in the crazy world that is foster parenting….

Humor isn’t the only escape that we used though… Daddy, more than I, is a huge movie buff. When we went from 3 kids to 4 (and then from 4 to 5 to 4 to 5 to 4 to 6 and finally back to 4) we realized that we needed help and time. We made a huge effort to have a date night every.single.week. Now, some of those dates ended early so we could sleep. But, movies were an escape for us. A chance to not think about the laundry and work and chaos of daily life.

Teaching the kids our love of the cinema has been about the easiest thing ever. Although, I have to say that their taste leaves something to be desired. Then again, I am a sucker for a romantic comedy… Not just the good ones either, I’ll pretty much watch anything that’s romantic and remotely funny.

The real thought that sparked this post—just like in real life, on my blog, my thoughts wander, too–was music.

When B and I met, I remember him looking at my CD collection (kids, CD’s were what we used before iPods existed) and approving me based on my taste in music. One of my favorite things in the world is a road trip and I love them because they give you hours in a car with music and conversation… What could be better?

We have wanted to pass a passions for music onto our kids as well. But, it’s a challenge… So many songs have questionable (to put it lightly) lyrics. There was a song that was popular when D & D were little called “Smack That”. We convinced them the real lyrics were “Snack Pack” and then started changing what was on the car… One easy solution is country music… The lyrics, most of the time, aren’t as risqué. But, I don’t think that B has ever willingly listened to country without me in the car. So, I remember thinking about oldies. I wanted the kids to listen to the oldies that I did when I was a kid.

But, those oldies are all but gone. They aren’t on the radio anymore… So, we sought them out. Bean’s favorite song used to be “Big Girls Don’t Cry” and all of the kids love the song “Lollipop”. Thanks to the movies, the kids not only love Abba songs, but they can identify the band!

It’s a little more work, but I think it’s worth it to expose the kids to different music. They still love new stuff… And we hear those questionable lyrics still… Nothing quite like hearing your little girl sing, “brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack”… But, I think we’re at least creating a little bit of balance.

Perhaps the band who the kids have had the most exposure to is the Beatles. Big D is far too shy to sing it in front of anyone, but he can sing “Black Birds” very well. All of the kids have been singing “Yellow Submarine” non-stop the last couple of days… And last night the Beatles, in a way, were the big boys’ first concert experience.

Daddy took the boys to see The Fab Faux. Now, I have blogged about this band before.. They copy, to perfection, the recorded sound of the Beatles. And last night was Daddy’s 6th time seeing them. Tonight will be my 3rd. And I will tell you that all of the boys were very happy about last night’s show. I am sure I will feel the same way in a few hours!

And, if you spin things the way I do, we get good parenting points for the exposure!

Hope you all are having a great long weekend!

And, if you get the chance… Check out this site: http://www.thefabfaux.com/wap/

Shhhhh!

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So, V comes up to me when we’re doing laundry and gestures that he’s zipping his lip and motions that he has to be quiet…

The next time he runs down stairs he makes a deal with me, “O.K., Mom, I’m going to tell you something, but you can’t tell any of the other kids. We’re playing the quiet game and I’m winning because I’m not telling any of them we’re playing.”

The kid is brilliant.

The Summer

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I started this the day that school got out, but, obviously, it hasn’t made it to the posted stage yet. We’ve been busy!

 

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Well, as of a little over an hour ago, the big boys joined V on summer break.

And the question that I’ve been asked again and again is what our summer plans are. And, honestly, we don’t have that many. But, I will share what we typically do and some ideas to keep cool and busy over the summer.

First, swim! This is our first summer having our own pool. The last few years we’ve bought a family pass to the city pool. It’s under $100 for all of us and well worth it! Our city pools vary by location, but the one that we went to had a couple water slides, fountains to play in, and a separate dive pool. Pretty darn awesome! A link to PHX pools for locals…

To go along with all of that swimming, we’ve always done swim lessons. My big hint is to look for lessons right before or in the middle of free time. That way you don’t have to pack up and go home right away. It’s a chore getting a whole family to the pool. Might as well stretch it.

If you don’t want to swim, don’t discount other water adventures… There are a bunch of splash parks and our zoo has several splash pads as well. Link to some info on splash pads in the valley

The zoo is the most expensive option I’ve listed so far and it cans be a good deal, too. I highly recommend buying a membership.. The zoo is open an hour earlier for members. So, you can go early in the day and avoid, some of, the heat. The daily rates are pretty high, but for under $200, our whole family (and another adult) can enjoy for 13 months— there are always specials going on, we took advantage of an extra month. Phoenix zoo’s current specials are listed here.

The other thing that we’ve been doing for the last couple years is the movies. For $7 a kid (mom, too), we have weekly tickets to a kid friendly movie. It’s a total of 10 movies, but we never make it to all of them. The kids have their reusable cups and we share popcorn… It ends up being around $10 a week for all of us!

And then there’s the whole learning thing… I try my hardest to make sure we keep up some educational stuff. So, we always participate in the library’s summer reading program. And since we just moved a few months ago, we’re in a new library system and they have tons of cool programs going on. Some of the things that our library offers are year round, others are one time deals. Weekly, over the summer, they have special guests come in and do shows.. they also offer story times and some fun classes for all of the kids. D and d are going to a Diary of a Wimpy Kid party this week and next week, they get to make guacamole. How cool is that? And we love the fact that it’s free!

Oh, and while you’re at the library–look for a culture pass! They’re the coolest. Basically, you check out free tickets to a bunch of local museums.. Again, they’re free! Sometimes it’s only for a couple of tickets, others you can get four tickets for. All of them expire 7 days after they’re checked out. This has been going on for awhile now and it’s so very cool. You do need to get to our library early if you want to get a pass, but if they’re all checked out, you can still entertain the kids with all of the books and other fun stuff to check out.

Our favorite museum is the Children’s Museum of Phoenix. It’s very interactive and the kids have a blast. It is on the expensive side though. We have bought an annual pass to this museum, but because of the downtown location, I don’t know that we’ll do it again. We’ve also bought a membership to the Arizona Museum for Youth in Mesa. It’s much smaller than CHOP, but it still has lots to see and do. And it’s very affordable.

We also are a family that loves sports. So, I plan on taking the kids to a baseball game or two. We’re lucky because we can get tickets from time to time. But, there are ways to get free or discounted tickets to the Diamondbacks as well. First, they do have coupons in the Entertainment Book–if you didn’t buy one when they came out last year in the fall, you can now get one for a steal. Also, if your kiddos join the No Chew Crew then they can get a free ticket to a Sunday game. And the Diamondbacks have added value items to their menu so you won’t have to spend a fortune on treats. And, you can take your own food into the park. You can also take in bottled water, just make sure that the bottles are unopened. When we go to the games with the kids, we try to keep in mind that they’re kids and we try to break it up and make it fun.. there is a play area on the upper deck so they can get out some of the wiggles.

What else do we do….?

Oh, we’re also doing some sports this summer. V & B are going to play indoor soccer and the big boys will be playing flag football. I’m looking forward to it as we haven’t done sports since last fall.

And, I am going to be running. I have decided to run my first half marathon (notice how I said first, like there will be more..?) in November. So, I am starting my training now. It’s going slowly, but it is going.

 

So, what are you doing this summer? Any tips you want to pass along to our family?

We’re hoping to also get in a few play dates! So, call if you have free time!

My Wisdom for the Day

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So, as I’ve started into this craft thing, one of the big problems that I’m having is focus. So, I *could* have a little ADD… But, what’s more of the issue is that it’s fun to learn new stuff. I’d much rather spend my time trying out new things than actually making the things that I’ve perfected. And, the least amount of fun is posting those items and selling them. I’d much rather be a crafter (and, yes, I do know that that’s not a real word)  than a seller. And I’d rather be experimenting than duplicating.

As I was pondering that, it came to mind that that’s kinda how a lot of things are. Once we really know what we’re doing, it’s time to move on… I have joked that the problem with planning a wedding is that you only get to do it once. It takes you that whole time to figure out what you’re doing, then you don’t get to practice it at all. The same kinda happens with parenting. You finally become an expert at the newborn thing, then they become infants and there’s another world to learn. You master the bottle or the breast or whatever, then it’s time to start talking about solids. You finally get the hang of packing a diaper-bag just right, then it’s time to start potty training.

I’ll tell you the truth. I don’t mind potty training. That age of kiddo (1.5 to 3) is about my favorite age, although, I do adore babies.. and it’s pretty fun having actual conversations. Anyhow, I’d gladly potty train kids for a living. I think that I’m pretty good at it. But, alas, that time is done at our house. Just this last week or so my “babies” have decided that they’re done with pull ups at night and neither has had a wet bed since.  Like I said, you figure it out, get good at it and then you need a new skill.

My newer challenge is figuring out what to do about the little stalker friend that D has made at school. She’s nice, but I can’t figure out how to get through to her that he can’t play after school every.single.day.

But, as I was pondering all of this, I was also thinking about posting on my blog. And that’s when the wisdom came in… (about time, right?!?) That’s what this whole blog thing is about. Now, I don’t blog to be a leader or a teacher or whatever. I am certainly not a parenting expert (although, I am a potty training expert!).  But, the cool thing is that I do have things to share. There are some things that I do know about. There are experiences that I’ve had that I can guide someone through. And, there are other blogs out there that can do the same for me.

As our society has changed, in many ways we’ve grown apart as people. We don’t know our neighbors as much as we used to (even though we live closer together). Not all of us have the safety net of family close by. But, through this magical Internet, we can all be a little closer, too. There are other moms who are out there who are posting about their challenges and successes and lives each day. And I can learn through them.

So, there is help out there. I think I might just have to do a search for kiddo stalker blogs (that’s a joke!). But, I will remember that there are others out there who I can turn to.

I just need to stay far, far away from the craft blogs! Craft time needs to be for creating, not dreaming up new visions.

What are your favorite blogs?