But, It’s Not Your Child

Where to start?

I am very pro-adoption. I think it’s an option that’s overlooked far too often.

I think it’s an amazing way to build a family and can be the greatest gift given to a child.

That being said, I don’t think it should be forced on a father. If a dad wants to raise his child, that is his right. And it’s not about the best parents. It really isn’t. If it were, then would anyone you know be a parent? Are they really the “best” option? There are people out there with more money, more resources, more education that I have. Certainly, there are women who have cleaner homes… You get the drift. It can’t be about the “best”.

It’s an odd thing.

Foster parents fall in love with their children and they often are quick to judge the biological family. The truth is that life is complicated. There are so many choices each and every day. Who knows what life could have in store? There are exceptions, but, by in large, most of these biological parents love their children. Many of them weren’t loved or didn’t feel loved when they were children. They weren’t taught how to love themselves. How do we expect them to love and care for these children? And even when they’re doing how, how do we expect them to live up to our impossibly high standards?

It’s easy to write off the biological parents as losers, addicts, generally horrible people. But, where does that get us? What does that do for the child? And how do we know?

If you were judged by the worst decision you ever made every single day, what would your life be like? Think about the lies you’ve told, the feelings you’ve heart… Think about when you were young and dumb and self-centered. How do you look next to the young mom who made bad choices? Sure, maybe yours didn’t cut as deep or hurt for so long, but you’ve still made mistakes.

The bottom line is that these aren’t our kids. They’re not “yours” until the adoption.

And that can be hard.

You have to love them like your own. You have to give away your heart knowing that it’s going to be broken. You have to be the bigger one out of the whole situation. The one who gives without expecting to receive. And, if you’re exceedingly lucky, maybe that child will get to be a part of your forever family. But, even if they aren’t, they’ll take a piece of you onto the rest of life. They’ll have been given the gift of a parent who loved without judging. And I think that is a pretty precious gift to give.