Spending

Fail.

Sigh.

I spent money yesterday.

But, I didn’t spend much. And it was a “need” not a want. I cleaned my floors yesterday and needed solution for my floormate.

One of the struggles that I have is forgiveness. No, I don’t have a problem forgiving others. I have a problem forgiving myself. Or, rather, allowing myself to fail without deeming myself a failure. Does that make any sense?

Anyhow, I’m not going to beat myself up. I’m going to get back on the horse and try again next week.

The remarkable thing about not spending is that it really opens my eyes to how many times I want to spend and what a habit spending is and has become for me.

When I posed the question about spending to a group of moms, many were surprised that this would be a challenge for me. So, it got me thinking. Even as I sit here right now there are things that are calling me to spend. I have a package that needs to be shipped. I have coupons sitting next to me. There’s a new message from Southwest Air with discount air fares. At the top of my browser, there are links to all sorts of wonderful sites with untold treasures. I have been very lucky. There has never been a point in my life where I worried about my next meal. There’s never been a time that I have had to do without the basics. For the most part, I’ve actually been pretty darn spoiled. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing. It makes it so easy to take things for granted.

I see it in my children now.

When I tell them that I don’t have any money for the toys in the machines, they tell me to get out a credit card or to go to the bank.

When they don’t get what they want when they want it, the result is disappointment or, sometimes, a tantrum.

They are spoiled.

But, now I have to play devil’s advocate. When our older boys came to us, they didn’t have this mentality. They didn’t have a sense of entitlement. They didn’t demand anything. They didn’t ask for anything. And it was sad. They’d never been given things. They’d never had options.

So, I, again, I will forgive myself. I can indulge them. I can give them things. I can spoil them. Just not on Mondays.